Grief after death or loss

Most people experience grief at some point after losing something they loved or considered important. Grief is a natural response to loss, and it is also normal to take time to recover and regain balance after a loss. Grief is a term for the complex emotions and reactions that people experience after a loss, and how each person experiences and processes grief is unique.

There are many things you can do to cope with grief, and in the normal grieving process, grief decreases over time.

It is normal to experience grief after a death. Other types of loss can also cause grief, such as a breakup, losing a job or a home. We experience grief and loss in different ways, and there is no right or wrong way to feel after a loss.

Common symptoms:

• Lack of concentration and a sense of confusion or loss of control
• Crying
• Feelings of unreality, shock or numbness
• Overwhelming grief
• Fatigue or resignation
• Anger - towards the person who died or the reason for the loss
• Guilt - for example, because of the anger, because of something that was said or done, or because of not being able to prevent the death

The way you feel after a loss varies. Sometimes strong emotions can appear suddenly and with great force, and it is also normal that they are not always present.
It is not always easy to understand when and how loss or grief affects our feelings or behavior. Experiencing grief can be confusing and we can feel like we have no control over our feelings.

It is often said that people go through five stages after a loss, but it varies whether and how people go through these stages. The stages can be:

• Denial: For example, shock, numbness, disbelief, confusion.
• Anger: For example, guilt or blaming others for the loss.
• Depression: For example, fatigue, hopelessness, helplessness. An experience of losing vision for the future or feeling isolated or lonely.
• Settlement or reappraisal: Thoughts such as "if only I had done something differently"
• Acceptance: This does not mean that we are happy with the situation, but this stage is about accepting the situation and being ready to move on after the loss.

There are things you can do to cope with grief, such as:

• Focus on what you can do, focusing on using your time and energy to help yourself feel better
• Avoid alcohol, cigarettes and drugs
• Maintain a routine such as getting up in the morning, getting dressed and having something to do
• Make sure to get enough sleep, eat regularly and exercise
• Rest from your grief by distracting yourself and doing something completely different
• It is important to be gentle with yourself and remember that it is normal to feel distressed following a loss
• Remember that it is okay to feel good and to feel happy
• Set small and manageable goals
• Talk to someone about your feelings, such as a friend, family member, healthcare professional or counsellor

Losing something important to you can be a shock, and even if the death of a loved one has been imminent for some time, it can still be a shock when the moment of death arrives. Grief usually passes over time and during the normal grieving process, the discomfort gradually decreases.

It is a good idea to reach out to friends, family members or colleagues. In most cases professional help is not needed to deal with the normal grieving process.

If people experience symptoms of anxiety or depression that worsen or do not improve over time, it may be a good idea to seek professional help to assess the need for help. When a loved one dies suddenly, some people experience symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.

If thoughts such as its better to not be existing or suicidal thoughts arise, it is a good idea to seek out a health care professional.

In an emergency, call 112 directly.

Professional support:

• Support from a professional such as a priest, nurse, psychiatrist, psychologist, social worker, family doctor or family therapist can be helpful in grief.
• You can contact your health care center for an assessment of your problem or advice on the next steps.
• You can contact the Heilsuvera phone consultation 24/7 in 513-1700 or 1700 or via livechat on this page that is open daily from 8AM to 10PM.
• You can contact the Red Cross helpline at 1717 or via livechat 24/7 on Red Cross website.

The Grief Center: For anyone who has lost a loved one. More information at the Grief Center

The Pieta Association: Offers support for the families of those who have lost a loved one to suicide. More information at pieta.is

Lion's Heart: An organization to support young people aged 20-50 who have lost a spouse and children who have lost a parent. More information at ljonshjarta.is

Forget Me Not: A support organization to support parents who experience loss during pregnancy and during/after birth. More information at gme.is

Birta Landsamtok: A platform for parents/guardians of children and young people who have died suddenly. More information at birtalandssamtok.is

Örninn: Offers weekend stays and gatherings for children and teenagers ages 10-17 who have lost a close loved one. More information at arnarvaengir.is

Bereavement leave: Intended for parents in the labor market who have lost a child under the age of 18. More information on the website of the Icelandic Directorate of Labor on island.is.